I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
