My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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