elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
