Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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