HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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