Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
