Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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