In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
