I think my fart just growled at me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
