What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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