Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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