this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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