Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
