You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
