why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
