i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
