A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My liver just had a heart attack.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
