You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
