i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
