his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
