Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
