she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
