I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
