Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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