i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
PANTIES FOUND
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
