I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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