I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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