She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
