just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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