dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
