ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
