I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My vagina is officially offended.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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