i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
