Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
