Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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