I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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