Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
