So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Semen is not good for contacts.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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