Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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