When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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