how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
