I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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