Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
