Got a toothbrush?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
