He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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