walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she pinky promised me she was 18
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
