I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
