it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
