You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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