That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
