Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
