If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
