Apparently you make a good broom.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
