I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
